Ten of swords reminds you how people can stab you from the back by verbal and mass communication.
Optimism reminds you how you try to keep a positive image you have on people whether it's forced or coerced to submit.
Negativity reminds you how stupid you were and how stupid you still are.
If
I am given a chance to talk to people without making them feeling
guilty or extra conscious and defensive, I would have voiced out every
single opinion I have of people. Not being judgmental, not being
uncaring. Being generally kind, how stupid of me. Because obviously some
people will just step on your head as a stepping stone.
"You
need to stop being kind to everyone," those words echoed in my ears. My
tears drop every single time I recall the things I've done not mutually
felt by the other party. Foolishness. Selfishness.
Who
is the selfish one? Them who asks for temporary comfort by me? Or me
who seek for angelic image perceived by everyone else? Mask breaks, but
so do heart. The more you reveal your heart, the more you realize how
fragile you really are when exposed, bare for the naked eyes. Surely,
things would go out of control and the least you could do is just to cry
and weep silently over the outcome.
I'm tired.
This
loneliness succumbs into me like a ravenous poison, spreading fast like a
wild fire. I don't even know how to stop it from flowing deeper into
every inches of my veins when for some reason I wish it existed to
remind me of the world. The pain. The familiarity will make you immune
of it.
Or so I wished.
Locking my heart? Mission accomplished.
